One Year Later

It has been a year since my life, our lives, changed forever.  A year ago, I took my hundredth millionth pregnancy test and a faint line showed.  A year ago, I jumped around our bathroom not sure what to do with myself. 

Waiting on God's timing tested my faith many times.  I wrote this letter one night after another negative test. A year ago, I knew God's miracle work. Today, I hold him. 

Dear Baby,

When you come, you will never know how much you were wanted.

Your daddy and I have been lovingly trying for you for a year now. Each month I stare impatiently at a stick and wait for two lines to appear.  There have been many sticks that I have also shoved in your daddy's face and begged him to say there were two lines.  I cry.  We so desperately want you, precious child, desperately.

It's never easy to wait for the Lord's timing, but I have been searching deep in my heart to find the patience to wait.  I know that the plans He has for me, and for you, and for us, are far greater than we could dare to imagine.  Sweet child, I pray for you everyday.  I pray that you will be healthy and happy.  That you will know and worship the Savior who brought you to life.  And I pray, that He will bless our lives.

Precious baby, it does not matter to me if you are a boy or a girl.  It does not matter to me if you will play baseball or be a cheerleader. It does not matter to me when you roll over or how your write your name or how many times you move your clip at school.  Sweet baby, I will love you forever.

I will probably grow impatient with you at times.  Your daddy will, too.  But we will never, ever stop loving you. I pray that we will remember the times when our hearts ached to hold you.  I pray this because then it will be harder to complain when you are up all night.

I can't imagine what life will be like with you.  I know that you will come, sweet child.  But it is so hard to wait.

Love,
Mommy

Happy Mother's Day

This is my first Mother's Day.  

I can now appreciate my own mother more than I ever have before.  I know what it feels like to be exhausted and overcome with love at the same time.  I've nursed, warmed bottles, changed diapers, and rocked a baby to sleep.  I've worried and laughed and cried - all within the same hour.  I'm a mom.  

I still remember what it feels like to long for this day.  I am forever grateful to the one who made me Mommy.  

Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares The Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give  you a hope and a future." 

  

Three Months

Dear Sawyer,

Time is flying, and you are getting bigger every second.  You have such an amazing personality, and I feel so privileged to watch it unfold more and more each day.  I can tell that you're going to be a flirt, and you love to ham it up for people, but only when you're in the mood. You have the most adorable smile I've ever seen, and, I have to admit, you have a pretty adorable "old poot" face, too.

You're still working really hard on finding your thumb full time, but I've caught you a few times on the monitor sucking away.  You also have decided to enjoy your pappy when your thumb isn't cooperating.  I introduced you to your "wubbie" this month.  It's basically a stuffed animal with a soft blanket attached to it. You love it more than I thought you would. It's melts my heart to see you rub on its ears when you're going to sleep.  You get that from your daddy.  He still picks at fabrics when he's tired. Occasionally, you also try to eat your "wubbie".  I don't think he minds, though.

You officially moved to the 8 oz bottles this month. It made me sad to pack away your little bottles because everything seems to be happening so quickly.  We also started adding rice cereal to your night time bottle to help with that mean, old reflux of yours.  You seem to enjoy it, and I'm pretty partial to it, also, because you're sleeping like a champ after that last bottle. I'm probably going to jinx myself by typing this, but, lately, you've been sleeping through the night! This mommy is so grateful to have long periods of sleep again!

You're talking up a storm these days, and I love when you mimic my sounds. The other day you did a half roll, and I was overcome with pride at how advanced you are.  My heart may burst when you actually completely roll over.  I've decided you're a genius.

I hope you know that I'll always think you're the smartest, cutest boy in the world. "As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be."

Love,
Mommy