Sunday, February 9, 2014

Welcome to the World Baby Boy!

Exhausted doesn't even begin to describe it,.  Love doesn't touch it. I'm not quite sure there is a word that can fully capture the all-encompassing, completely overwhelming, explosion of my heart.  This sweet baby boy has taken us by storm, and I'm not sure who I was before him.
Much to my little OCD loving heart, sweet Sawyer had his own birth plan that was much different than mine. On January 8, 2014, my blood pressure decided to spike and thus began a little three-week journey we can now refer to as "waiting on Sawyer".  There were several trips to the hospital triage during this time and several phone calls that ended with "he's just not ready yet".  Finally, on January 24, 2014, at 39 weeks and 1 day, my doctor decided it was time to induce.  And that was the last full night of sleep I'll ever have. 
On Saturday, January 25, 2014, Andrew and I ate at Provino's before heading to the hospital.  We arrived at 9:30 pm on the dot.
Both of us were pretty giddy with excitement and anticipation.
Neither of us knew what to expect or how our lives were about to change.  I've thought back on this evening several times.  I'm not sure what I would say to those two people who were about to become parents. I imagine I would tell them to soak it all up because I've been trying to relive every moment since then.
My contractions started to pick up around 1:00am, and Sawyer's heart rate began to decrease.  The nurses kept coming in and telling me to change positions which made breathing through the contractions much harder.  I texted my mom around 3:00 am, and she and my dad made their way to hospital.  My contractions began coming back to back with no relief, but my body still would not dilate.  Finally, my doctor gave the go-ahead for an epidural.  The thought was that if my body could relax then maybe I would dilate. I was pumped for some relief, but everything after the epidural is pretty much bits and pieces.  My blood pressure dropped immediately after the epidural and Sawyer's heart rate also declined.  I remember lying there thinking I was going to pass out, but also hearing nurses swarm around me about how long he'd been down.  My doctor was called, and they gave me a shot to stop the contractions.  I knew that a c-section was coming at that point.  I cried.  I felt guilty that I couldn't deliver my baby the way I supposed to deliver.  Now, looking back, what does that mean anyway? And how, before there was even a baby in my arms, was I already feeling "mom-guilt"?

Sawyer Hearn Clower was born via c-section at 10:37 am with the cord wrapped tightly around his neck.  My doctor said the whole delivery was a "God-thing" because my little boy was meant to be born that day, via induction and c-section. No one knew the cord was around his neck. God had a plan the whole time.
I went skin-to-skin with Sawyer within an hour after he was born. Andrew changed before my eyes from my high-school sweetheart to a father.  I was in awe of how he handled Sawyer.  How he stood guard at the door for any visitor that might bring germs.
I never felt myself turn into a mother. But when he cries, my whole body aches, and when he looks up at me, my heart rises to my throat. It's a million times better than I ever imagined it would be.

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