Wednesday, May 21, 2014

One Year Later

It has been a year since my life, our lives, changed forever.  A year ago, I took my hundredth millionth pregnancy test and a faint line showed.  A year ago, I jumped around our bathroom not sure what to do with myself. 

Waiting on God's timing tested my faith many times.  I wrote this letter one night after another negative test. A year ago, I knew God's miracle work. Today, I hold him. 

Dear Baby,

When you come, you will never know how much you were wanted.

Your daddy and I have been lovingly trying for you for a year now. Each month I stare impatiently at a stick and wait for two lines to appear.  There have been many sticks that I have also shoved in your daddy's face and begged him to say there were two lines.  I cry.  We so desperately want you, precious child, desperately.

It's never easy to wait for the Lord's timing, but I have been searching deep in my heart to find the patience to wait.  I know that the plans He has for me, and for you, and for us, are far greater than we could dare to imagine.  Sweet child, I pray for you everyday.  I pray that you will be healthy and happy.  That you will know and worship the Savior who brought you to life.  And I pray, that He will bless our lives.

Precious baby, it does not matter to me if you are a boy or a girl.  It does not matter to me if you will play baseball or be a cheerleader. It does not matter to me when you roll over or how your write your name or how many times you move your clip at school.  Sweet baby, I will love you forever.

I will probably grow impatient with you at times.  Your daddy will, too.  But we will never, ever stop loving you. I pray that we will remember the times when our hearts ached to hold you.  I pray this because then it will be harder to complain when you are up all night.

I can't imagine what life will be like with you.  I know that you will come, sweet child.  But it is so hard to wait.


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