It has been a year since my life, our lives, changed forever. A year ago, I took my hundredth millionth pregnancy test and a faint line showed. A year ago, I jumped around our bathroom not sure what to do with myself.
Waiting on God's timing tested my faith many times. I wrote this letter one night after another negative test. A year ago, I knew God's miracle work. Today, I hold him.
Dear Baby,
When you come, you will never know how much you were wanted.
Your daddy and I have been lovingly trying for you for a year now. Each month I stare impatiently at a stick and wait for two lines to appear. There have been many sticks that I have also shoved in your daddy's face and begged him to say there were two lines. I cry. We so desperately want you, precious child, desperately.
It's never easy to wait for the Lord's timing, but I have been searching deep in my heart to find the patience to wait. I know that the plans He has for me, and for you, and for us, are far greater than we could dare to imagine. Sweet child, I pray for you everyday. I pray that you will be healthy and happy. That you will know and worship the Savior who brought you to life. And I pray, that He will bless our lives.
Precious baby, it does not matter to me if you are a boy or a girl. It does not matter to me if you will play baseball or be a cheerleader. It does not matter to me when you roll over or how your write your name or how many times you move your clip at school. Sweet baby, I will love you forever.
I will probably grow impatient with you at times. Your daddy will, too. But we will never, ever stop loving you. I pray that we will remember the times when our hearts ached to hold you. I pray this because then it will be harder to complain when you are up all night.
I can't imagine what life will be like with you. I know that you will come, sweet child. But it is so hard to wait.
Love,
Mommy
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